day six – mummies, ninjas, ponies and bob the alien

The reading area of the Hyderabad British Library is set up with 120 chairs facing a screen and a flipchart. Children aged from 5 to 14 from three local schools are going to be playing the storytelling game with me, just as I did with the other group in Chandigarh. Two characters, one setting, some likes and dislikes. Go. This time we draw an adventure with a ninja (who hates pink) and an alien called Bob (who likes kissing).

Two ninjas are practising their kung fu by the Great Wall of China.

Suddenly an alien spaceship lands on top of Ninja B and squashes him.

Bob the alien gets out and Ninja A kicks him in the head, mashing one of his three eyes. Bob the alien says sorry about your friend. Ninja A says that’s okay, he was very annoying anyway. Oh good, says Bob and eats him. Sorry about your eye, says Ninja A. That’s okay, I have two more, says Bob. I have a good idea. Now we are friends, shall we kiss and make up for fighting? NO! says the ninja. You are pink. I hate pink! That’s no problem. I can be any colour I want, says Bob. He turns himself black. How’s this? Oh, how beautiful, says the ninja because black is of course a ninja’s favourite colour. Ninja A closes his eyes and puckers his lips and then… Bob eats him! It was a trick!! That could be the end, do you all agree? No!

These events always start off very quietly and get rowdier; now the children have got over their reticence and are all shouting, some of the smaller ones are leaving their seats and bravely coming up to me to whisper things in my ear. The two ninjas inside Bob use their NINJA SWORDS to cut their way out of him. They chop him in half while shouting BANZAAII! Nice big picture of the two ninjas standing amidst dead Bob’s two halves, alien guts and gore everywhere, saying: That will teach stupid aliens to come down here where they aren’t wanted!

We tape all the story pages up on the wall and start another one, starring a pony (who likes capsicum) and a mummy – again (who likes popcorn). Somewhere in Japan, Pony is in a field eating grass when he spots a lovely piece of capsicum chewing gum on the ground. He is about to eat it when… a big gust of wind blows it away! It flies into the hands of a passing mummy. The mummy eats it and makes Pony very angry. Sorry, says the mummy. I didn’t know it was yours. The mummy digs in his pockets and offers Pony some popcorn. Happy ending or terrible ending? I ask the kids. A few hands in the air for happy.

Way more hands in the air for terrible. I should have known, really.

Okay then: Thank you for the popcorn, what flavour is it? asks Pony as he eats the popcorn. Why, it’s my favourite – cockroach and dung beetle flavour, says the mummy. Aaaaagggghhh! Says Pony! YUK!!! Big drawing of pony vomit with a diagram of the contents.

We have reached The End of storytime and put the last sheet on the wall. One of the children at the front asks if he can have it. Why not? I make the grave tactical error of telling the children at the front they can have the comics pages. If they were overexcited before, now the room erupts as everyone tries to get one of the big sheets of paper. Result: twelve happy children and a hundred very disgruntled children. What can I do about this unfortunate ending to a fun afternoon? It’s ok, I tell them, I’ll do everyone a drawing.

The teachers have given up trying to control the children by now and I have so many schoolbooks thrust at me that all I can see is a field of lined paper, each kid trying to get their book as close to my face as possible so I’ll pick theirs first. I can’t see a thing! Take a deep breath. Tell them to calm down right now. They don’t have to fight, I’m not leaving till every single one of them has a drawing, just relax and form a line and you’ll all have a turn, ok? I shoo them back and start drawing ponies, ninjas (some with nunchucks, some with swords, some with swords and nunchucks), Bob the alien and a few dolphins (I don’t know where they came in) in every single notebook. A TV crew has been waiting to talk to me but I can’t stop drawing or the consequences could be dire, so I tell them to interview me while I draw. I think the camera mostly films the top of my head since I can’t look up from the schoolbook requests much. Two hours later than scheduled, justice is done. Nobody feels cheated. I take a final photo with the last school group to leave and then get back to Ajay who is in his office. Not hiding. I have never seen children behave like that before, he says. I think you’ve got a few enthusiastic new members for the British library, I tell him.

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